The following did not start out as a blog post, but as I finished writing, I felt my desire to share this portion of my testimony here in the hopes that perhaps it would be able to reach even a few people and be able to help give them even a portion of hope, strength and encouragement despite the pain of their trials.
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I know with all my heart that Jesus
Christ is at the head of this church. I know that he knows each of
us personally, not only through the blessings of the atonement, but
because he is with us always through all that we do and knows
firsthand. I know how much not only Jesus Christ loves us, but how
much our Heavenly Parents love us as well, for I can feel their love
in my life, and it's the warmth and encouragement of their love that
makes it possible for me to survive each day with any level of hope
and courage left. Knowing and feeling of their love in my life is
one of my single greatest blessings. At any time in our lives, with
any struggle, we can take our worries and our fears to Christ, and he
in turn will teach his prophets the needs of his people.
I know the pains that each and every
one of us feel on a daily basis because there is currently no
doctrine concerning our trial on this earth, I feel it too, and the
pain it brings cuts to the very center. However, I have to admit
that I am truly grateful that the church hasn't been taught the
doctrine concerning us yet. I, like most of us, have spent more time
and energy than I can count desperately trying to help my family
truly know me, and to help them see that what I'm doing is not a sin,
but an eternal truth about my identity. Despite my effort, they
still think I'm sinning, but I think they are starting to love me
anyway. If the truth concerning transgender had come out even 6
months ago, my family would have loved me because the church said it
was okay, and I don't think I would have been able to accept their
love at that point. Despite the pain of waiting for the truth to be
taught, I will always be grateful for the time I've had with my
family to grow closer, because without it, I feel like our
relationship would have been destroyed when the truth came out.
I know and feel the love that our
Heavenly Parents have for us. I know and feel the love that our
brother and savior Jesus Christ has for us. I also know that for
them to love me so completely even after everything I've done
wrong... I know because of their love that there will come a day when
everyone on the face of this planet will know who we all truly are,
and the events of that day will cause both great joy or confusion in
the hearts of everyone who hears the truth when it is told. We must
remain strong, now more than ever! If we give in to fear, hate,
anger, discouragement, or we let our faith falter or even fail, then
the adversary wins, and there is a chance that we can be lost
forever. Hold strong. Together we can hold each other up in
strength and faith as we try with all our power just to wait for that
day when the entire world will know concerning us. Then at that day
we can experience that great joy and peace together, and move forward
to the other trails and struggles that day will bring, for we will be
united with one heart, and we won't fall. We must be strong now, or
that day may not be the day we expect it to be.
I'm sorry for the novel, and I know it
is a breach of etiquette for responses, but there is so much that I
felt needed said. I encourage anyone who questions my words to
ponder and pray about them, and judge for yourself whether I speak
truth or not. I truly do testify with all of my heart of the love
that our Heavenly Parents have for each of us, and I know that we are
never left alone.
