The following did not start out as a blog post, but as I finished writing, I felt my desire to share this portion of my testimony here in the hopes that perhaps it would be able to reach even a few people and be able to help give them even a portion of hope, strength and encouragement despite the pain of their trials.
I know with all my heart that Jesus Christ is at the head of this church. I know that he knows each of us personally, not only through the blessings of the atonement, but because he is with us always through all that we do and knows firsthand. I know how much not only Jesus Christ loves us, but how much our Heavenly Parents love us as well, for I can feel their love in my life, and it's the warmth and encouragement of their love that makes it possible for me to survive each day with any level of hope and courage left. Knowing and feeling of their love in my life is one of my single greatest blessings. At any time in our lives, with any struggle, we can take our worries and our fears to Christ, and he in turn will teach his prophets the needs of his people.
I know the pains that each and every one of us feel on a daily basis because there is currently no doctrine concerning our trial on this earth, I feel it too, and the pain it brings cuts to the very center. However, I have to admit that I am truly grateful that the church hasn't been taught the doctrine concerning us yet. I, like most of us, have spent more time and energy than I can count desperately trying to help my family truly know me, and to help them see that what I'm doing is not a sin, but an eternal truth about my identity. Despite my effort, they still think I'm sinning, but I think they are starting to love me anyway. If the truth concerning transgender had come out even 6 months ago, my family would have loved me because the church said it was okay, and I don't think I would have been able to accept their love at that point. Despite the pain of waiting for the truth to be taught, I will always be grateful for the time I've had with my family to grow closer, because without it, I feel like our relationship would have been destroyed when the truth came out.
I know and feel the love that our Heavenly Parents have for us. I know and feel the love that our brother and savior Jesus Christ has for us. I also know that for them to love me so completely even after everything I've done wrong... I know because of their love that there will come a day when everyone on the face of this planet will know who we all truly are, and the events of that day will cause both great joy or confusion in the hearts of everyone who hears the truth when it is told. We must remain strong, now more than ever! If we give in to fear, hate, anger, discouragement, or we let our faith falter or even fail, then the adversary wins, and there is a chance that we can be lost forever. Hold strong. Together we can hold each other up in strength and faith as we try with all our power just to wait for that day when the entire world will know concerning us. Then at that day we can experience that great joy and peace together, and move forward to the other trails and struggles that day will bring, for we will be united with one heart, and we won't fall. We must be strong now, or that day may not be the day we expect it to be.
I'm sorry for the novel, and I know it is a breach of etiquette for responses, but there is so much that I felt needed said. I encourage anyone who questions my words to ponder and pray about them, and judge for yourself whether I speak truth or not. I truly do testify with all of my heart of the love that our Heavenly Parents have for each of us, and I know that we are never left alone.